Confessions of a self harmer
THIS BLOG IS TRIGGERING.
Old url: confessionsofaselfharmer. This site is under NO CIRCUMSTANCES pro-self harm. This blog is here to help people with their issues and not to create them. Please do not use this blog as a way to find/spread tips.We no longer accept photo submissions
«»462) I want so badly to get intimate with my boyfriend, but my scars make me feel so ashamed.
461) No matter how long I go without cutting, there’s always the thought hidden in the back of my mind.
460) When my boyfriend found out about my cuts, he just told me he loves me no matter what. That’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear him tell me to stop.
459) I’m sitting here in a hotel room with a close friend and her family. All I want to do is cut. I don’t even know why. It’s eating at me. One more day until I can go to my room, shut the door, and drag the blade across my skin. One more day.
458) I started out with sharp hair clips. Then I would rip out the metal part on a wooden ruler at school and use that. Then it was safety pins. Then I added in giving myself bruises with a block of wood I would smash my arm with. Then it was cosmetic scissors. Then I went to breaking apart razors and using the blades. For a while, I cut myself, then numbed the area with ice so I could cut deeper and see more blood. Cutting screws you up. Don’t start. It’s something you will forever regret.
457) i shouldn’t have favourite places to cut, this just isn’t right.
456) I’ve stopped cutting for about 5 months now, but I can’t seem to throw away the blades…just incase…
455) I’ve been self harming for five years and I have never used a blade.. I’m pathetic.
454) I can’t go anywhere without a blade close to hand without going into a panic. Even though I’ll often forget that I have one. If I don’t have one I freak.
453) I started when I was 11 now I’m 19 and I haven’t stopped.
452) 1/23/12 will make 1 month clean for me. Today, while waiting for practice to start, my teammates and I were talking about Disney stars and my friend brought up Demi Lovato(sp?) being messed up and someone was adding in that she would cut or was suicidal. She was brought up a couple times before, too. I wanted so badly to say that just because she cuts, doesn’t mean she’s horrible or whatnot, and for her to submit herself to a hospital to get help had to be the bravest thing for her to do but I didn’t say anything, I just sat there thinking about my arm and what they would think of me if I told them I used to cut. One day I hope I can share my thoughts on SI, and not justify it but let those who don’t SI know that it isn’t something we choose to do as a hobby but something we chose to help us.. with whatever it is, and whatnot. One day I hope to not to be ashamed of my history with cutting, I just don’t know what day that will be..
451) Even though i’m trying to quit for ..well, about the tenth time.. I still treat my blade like my best friend. I still fantisize about tearing my skin off in big bloody sheets… I still act like hurting myself is the most normal and most bennifitial thing i could be doing.. I still read about it, write about it, and dream about it. Just because it’s not on my skin anymore doesn’t mean it hasn’t taken over my mind
450) The other day, i was in my theatre class. we were painting a set. And i had just recently been told something very upsetting. All i could think is i wanted to bleed. So badly. To control my pain. So i went searching for ANYTHING sharp. Meanwhile acting completely normal when people went in and out of the room. Then i found it. I found a draw labeled “exacto knives”. With a rush of adrenaline and excitement i snatched it from it, and went to cut in the empty stairwell… what’s happened to me?
A message to anyone considering to self-harm: It will screw your life up, more than you see it as now. So what if it "temporarily" leaves you feeling good, happy, etc., it's only temporary and the permanent damage it does is worse. Self-harm leaves bad memories, both mentally and physically. SH doesn't help, it will screw things up even more. This is from my perspective and what I gathered from cutting. I let myself ruin my life permanently for something only temporary. Be safe everyone, please. -Anonymous
